Quasi-crisis
Breaking down in the middle of the night after drowning with my own deep thoughts is one of the hobbies I do almost everyday. It's terrible.
Sometimes, when the heaven answered free cut classes, I like the feeling of excitement to get home early, then, when I'm alone in the apartment, I loudly talk to the mirror. I tell stories of what were dumbest things I've done and share the worst things that some guys did to me. There are times that I cry alone, looking at myself, thinking if I really did a good decision, often I regret. Most of the time, I asked "Why is this happening to me?!" or "I don't like this anymore. I'm tired. Can I sleep without waking up?", thankfully, the latter question is still a question and unfortunately, I still ask myself with such.
However, despite these bad things, the opposite still exists. Do not worry because there are still things that maintain my happiness, and it will be... sleep, yes, especially when it feels like forever. It helps me forget the outside world for a while and I like being in the world of my dreams where anything is possible, like having strawberry ice cream date with my crush. It's fun.
Recently, I had a major break down, it was a mix of quarrels, academic failure and an add-on of work issues, a really rough week. We will never avoid these quarrels, especially with the closest pople in our lives, however, this one is different, those words that hit me so hard, words that described my whole being in a negative way. Those words were from one of the most important persons in my life, it was unexpected . Some may think it is shallow and unimportant but for me, it's not just an ordinary academic failure, but it was a thing that knocked down my head to overthinking and giving up, hence, I disappoint everyone.
Hence, if I send a joke, appreciate.
Sometimes, when the heaven answered free cut classes, I like the feeling of excitement to get home early, then, when I'm alone in the apartment, I loudly talk to the mirror. I tell stories of what were dumbest things I've done and share the worst things that some guys did to me. There are times that I cry alone, looking at myself, thinking if I really did a good decision, often I regret. Most of the time, I asked "Why is this happening to me?!" or "I don't like this anymore. I'm tired. Can I sleep without waking up?", thankfully, the latter question is still a question and unfortunately, I still ask myself with such.
However, despite these bad things, the opposite still exists. Do not worry because there are still things that maintain my happiness, and it will be... sleep, yes, especially when it feels like forever. It helps me forget the outside world for a while and I like being in the world of my dreams where anything is possible, like having strawberry ice cream date with my crush. It's fun.
Recently, I had a major break down, it was a mix of quarrels, academic failure and an add-on of work issues, a really rough week. We will never avoid these quarrels, especially with the closest pople in our lives, however, this one is different, those words that hit me so hard, words that described my whole being in a negative way. Those words were from one of the most important persons in my life, it was unexpected . Some may think it is shallow and unimportant but for me, it's not just an ordinary academic failure, but it was a thing that knocked down my head to overthinking and giving up, hence, I disappoint everyone.
That day, I was not in my lucid interval. Everything sank into me, all the emotional stress, the sadness, the anger, it all brought up to my head which rendered to physically hurt myself by punching my desk and hitting my head on the wall. It was ridiculous and stressful. I want to talk to someone, I want someone to listen, I want someone to understand but I changed my options because I thought that no one will listen, no one will care and no one will appreciate my sadness, and also, I do not want to bother you to carry my burden too. However, it did not stop me the next day to approached a friend, who answered her phone after the first ring, I thank her for patiently listening to me, I cried to her for hours, begging for a rest.
After this breakdown, I realized that I am a major disappointment to the people who believed in my skills and strength. I flunked one discipline and in my life, I almost throw my soul in hell. Nevertheless, I let myself drowned in the salty liquid gushing from my eyes, I really can't control my own but not until I forgot to breathe. After I cried a river, I lie down and close my eyes, too tired to talk but I spoke through my mind, I asked for the guidance from above.
After this breakdown, I realized that I am a major disappointment to the people who believed in my skills and strength. I flunked one discipline and in my life, I almost throw my soul in hell. Nevertheless, I let myself drowned in the salty liquid gushing from my eyes, I really can't control my own but not until I forgot to breathe. After I cried a river, I lie down and close my eyes, too tired to talk but I spoke through my mind, I asked for the guidance from above.
Thereafter, I've had enough, I thought. So, I took a rest and smile again the next day.
Breakdowns, exhaustion, deprivation of sleep, and weeping heart, despite these, I can still crack the joke of the year.
Hence, if I send a joke, appreciate.
