I have no idea.
I cannot find my way to get some peace, tonight, despite the tiring day I have accomplished. Work and school, these are the things give me reason to stay alive. I want to sleep... like forever, but unfortunately, currently, I am deprived of my peace, again.
"Am I okay?", asks myself. To be honest, I do not know, neither cannot find any clues if I am nor answer if I really am. As of now, I believe, I am not. For a while I bothered myself with thoughts. Well, nothing is new about that, but today, these are kind of unnecessary and unusual.
"Am I crazy?", a following question. I cried tonight without any reason. Not even about how I am dying to talk to my ex-boyfriend and still cannot but I miss him so badly. Neither my academics that I still cannot manage to balance, nor my work which is currently in a good status. So what is the answer to my question? maybe a maybe?
I am definitely and 101% tired but my brain does not want to agree, so here I am writing what the latter wants, even my head feels like it will break into half, tension to tension there are rusty screws trying to screw itself into my head. My physical system is yelling for peace but my mental system is trying to declare war.
As much as I want to share this to others but that will be absurd. They will hear me crying without definite reason. Telling me I am lack of something, like sleep, well, indeed I am but can you not understand, I cannot. Others will tell me to relax and stop thinking, seriously? stab me ten times, that will make me stop, or will tell me that "everything will be okay", then, just stop. Well, some will leave me up with some kind of religious ways to find of comfort, and yes, I find it very helpful, but telling me that in the middle of my breakdown won't help me for a while but thank you very much. I will just choose not to talk, instead.
If you have been in a Metro Rail Transit in the Philippines during rush hour, long span of train intervals, and everyone is impatient, angry and late for work, and when the train comes, open its door, there is a possibility that you will die in the middle of the crowd, in a snap. The train represents the brain and people as the thoughts, emotions, feels, words, regrets, and whatever things your mind are thinking. That is how messed up yours truly right now. However, I do not want to consider myself to be severely damaged but apparently, it seems it is and I just want my train to turn off the engine and shut down the whole system.
xxx
"Am I okay?", asks myself. To be honest, I do not know, neither cannot find any clues if I am nor answer if I really am. As of now, I believe, I am not. For a while I bothered myself with thoughts. Well, nothing is new about that, but today, these are kind of unnecessary and unusual.
"Am I crazy?", a following question. I cried tonight without any reason. Not even about how I am dying to talk to my ex-boyfriend and still cannot but I miss him so badly. Neither my academics that I still cannot manage to balance, nor my work which is currently in a good status. So what is the answer to my question? maybe a maybe?
I am definitely and 101% tired but my brain does not want to agree, so here I am writing what the latter wants, even my head feels like it will break into half, tension to tension there are rusty screws trying to screw itself into my head. My physical system is yelling for peace but my mental system is trying to declare war.
As much as I want to share this to others but that will be absurd. They will hear me crying without definite reason. Telling me I am lack of something, like sleep, well, indeed I am but can you not understand, I cannot. Others will tell me to relax and stop thinking, seriously? stab me ten times, that will make me stop, or will tell me that "everything will be okay", then, just stop. Well, some will leave me up with some kind of religious ways to find of comfort, and yes, I find it very helpful, but telling me that in the middle of my breakdown won't help me for a while but thank you very much. I will just choose not to talk, instead.
If you have been in a Metro Rail Transit in the Philippines during rush hour, long span of train intervals, and everyone is impatient, angry and late for work, and when the train comes, open its door, there is a possibility that you will die in the middle of the crowd, in a snap. The train represents the brain and people as the thoughts, emotions, feels, words, regrets, and whatever things your mind are thinking. That is how messed up yours truly right now. However, I do not want to consider myself to be severely damaged but apparently, it seems it is and I just want my train to turn off the engine and shut down the whole system.
xxx
