Almost there.

Almost there.

   December 14, 2015       FJ

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One week left. I can’t wait to wake up and sleep without thinking the academe. I can’t wait to get out of the office earlier and spending the whole night, without worrying and thinking how to study the next day. I can’t wait to bring back the lazy me, the one who excessively stays in bed and watch anime until the next day.

It feels like it was just yesterday, the day that I can’t wait to enter the Jurrasic Park, the day I can’t wait to meet new people, the day I can’t wait to read the provisions, the crave of reading mountain of annotations and jurisprudence, and the day I felt the nervousness and the fear of feeling the hell upon my feet. And now, here I am, hoping to leave soon, not that I want to quit but to take some recess, or to finish everything and forever get trapped to the field.

After all the almost five months of my first year tour in the park, I feel like giving up, but whatever the reason I can think of, I know that it is not enough as an exchange to the big dream I’ve always wanted to be. Leaving my comfort zone, is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and feeling the struggle every single day making it more the best-est, making my journey more adventurous. challenging, exciting and the happiest.

Despite of the bad to worse things I have encountered, nothing beats the memories it produced. Something to keep, something to cherish and something to be more thankful for. I feel blessed more than ever and it will never be possible without the One who gives me strength, to the new people I met during the journey and added good memories to my life (cheers for more) and to those who stayed from the first day and staying to complete the story line.




Hence, Thank you. :)

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Saved and recap

Saved and recap

   December 05, 2015       FJ

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I hate it when I found myself reading our conversation and wondering, “WHY THE HECK?!” It still hurts that after all what I’ve done & what you’ve said, we still end up nothing and you leave without an apology.

I am not demanding for an apology but all I want is a peace ending. I have a lot of questions to ask, a lot of arguments to contest & I have a bucket of hatred to make you feel more guilty. Aside from these, I only want to ask you one simple question, “but, why?”

Anyway, this is just a brief of the drama I felt after reading our old & sweet conversation. At the end of the day, I know you will not give a single f*ck.

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Hoping that this will be the last.

Hoping that this will be the last.

   November 27, 2015       FJ

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Recently, a friend of mine, told her story regarding a guy who she had mutual understanding with and she shared how she became happier after posting her last thoughts about the same and that made her satisfied as an addition to the “acceptance” stage and told me that she moved on with a smile.

“Masaya akong nagsimulang mag post tungkol sa kanya at masaya din ako hanggang sa huling post ko tungkol sa kanya” said-ish by my friend.

That came into my thoughts that, I also started sharing stuff about this “guy” however, it never came to the point of sharing my last thoughts. It concludes that maybe, just maybe, I am not yet over him or maybe I am, but I am not happy about it.

Being true to myself, I am still mad and guilty to what happened between me and this “guy”. I loved him for who he was, waited for him for months, and assumed a place in his heart. I can still feel the hatred gushing in my veins every time I see him happy with someone new, who I once wished that, that should be me. I am not going to be biased with myself but I know and I admit, I have my own mistakes and guilt towards to what I have done to made him walked out of my life.

Thankfully that hatred never pursue in accordance with my belief that be nicer to everyone and let the karma do the bitch actions. I know that this is bad to think but I still wish karma is still around with him and waiting for the right timing to attack the best bitch shot it can ever made. Hence, I apologize but I am still a human and think & do bitchy stuff.

For sure, he is happier that I am not anymore around him and satisfied to what he has right now, as well as to my own life although I will not deny the fact that sometimes, I still think of him and hoping those days will comeback although I doubt. Nevertheless, I am ready to express my formal farewell to him but I think today is not yet the right time.

All in all, I thank this “guy” for the past although you act 80% douche after the last call that we had, I apologize for everything, and hope to see you around. *smiles*

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Warrior of Lady Justice

Warrior of Lady Justice

   July 08, 2015       FJ

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Day 8: How do you envision your life being in 5 years?

After the fifth year from now, I AM A LAWYER.
It's always been my dream to be a bad ass warrior of Lady Justice. 

YES, I can envision my life in five years with changed personality & lifestyle because of the culture and environment adaptation and being the bad ass lawyer.

In my first year, I can clearly see my life drowning in the bucket of caffeine & anxiety.

In my second year, I can still imagine my life drowning in the bucket of caffeine & anxiety and the change is starting to occur. No more culture shocks and adaptation is in the process.

In my third year, Still drowned but a little immune. Maybe, in VERY SERIOUS MODE. #ReadingsBeforeFeelings

In my fourth year, Not giving a single fuck but I'm still nice. Having the best time of my life, "PARTY HARD, STUDY HARDER" habit. nah jk. I'll survive. nearly in the end.

And lastly, my fifth year, ALMOST there! months of reminiscing moment & reviews and ONE MONTH OF FACING THE BOSS. Yes, Bar Exam. and BOOM, I AM A BAD ASS LAWYER. lol

But so you know, It's not all about envision, dream & imagination. It's all about preparation, presence of mind, persistence & a dream from the heart.

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Smile cuz YOLO

Smile cuz YOLO

   July 02, 2015       FJ

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Day 2: If you could offer a new born child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Smile, the worst is yet to come. We'll be lucky if we ever see the sun.

Smiling is one of the best way to maintain the positive aura. In contrast, it is also the best mask to hide your deep emotions to maintain the positivity in the circle. Nevertheless, this facial expression is powerful that we can actually control other people's emotion by just stretching our lips with the bursting joy from our eyes.

Based from the mentioned statement from a song SMILE by MIKKY EKKO, smile the worst is yet to come - the time is too short not to release this simplest yet powerful emotion we have. You can make other's day by just giving them the look of joy & happiness. We'll be lucky if we ever see the sun - no one knows when will death arrive, no one can exactly predict that we will never wake up the next morning or no one can ever say, when will be our last 24 hours.

Be thankful & blessed that you can still smile & have the reason to do so. Releasing happy hormones & sharing positive vibes to everyone is optional but it can make a huge change to every single person you meet everyday, whether they're your acquaintance or a stranger or your friends or your family or even your special someone. Life is too short to sit in the corner & kill the positive soul. Twenty four hours is enough to make the world a happy place, one more time. 

SMILE because YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE

The aforementioned statement maybe TOO mainstream & definitely not a really good one but its revelation is more than just the maintream. WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE EACH, though maybe there are some will say a contrary statement to the mere fact that we all have second chance but just like what I mentioned, NO ONE CAN PREDICT nor SAY IF WE WILL WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY. It is better to assure yourself & live your life to the fullest every single day rather than making yourself believe that you actually have another chance but you aren't sure of it.

Therefore, enjoying every single minute in this world is necessary. Stay positive, laugh, release that humor & create good things like there is no tomorrow and...

smile because you can change the world. :)

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30th of the 5th.

30th of the 5th.

   May 30, 2015       FJ

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Page 150 of 365:

I can't believe that I am just one day away, am I  really ready? This is my first time and I hope I can survive. I'm a bit scared and excited at the same time. I am in awe that I am getting near to exercise my ALL-BY-MYSELF-SKILLS.

Before I started my college life, it's my dream to live in a city alone to fulfill my "I want to do it but I can't" stuff. By the way, the stuff that I mentioned are the things I want to do but I can't because my parents said NO. When I was in my Senior HS, I did my very best and push through my dream to study in any university outside the province, I did everything to take entrance examinations. Hence, one day during my lunch break, my parents asked a permission from the HS Principal office to excuse me for a while and I don't have any idea why. I was surprised and they said, they need my 2 x 2 photos and still, I don't have any idea what is going on. Until my mom broke the surprised and told me that I am going to take an entrance examination in a nearby university. I feel a bit betrayed because they didn't mentioned or talk about this with me before they got the application but I have no choice but to accept the fact that my parents doesn't want me to go far away. So instead of feeling more betrayed, I tried to appreciate my parents' effort, since they're the ones who's working on my papers which is quite embarrassing because I should be the one who's working on it.

For assurance that I will enter college, my mom took applications from other schools. (the universities that I want to enter so bad) So, I did take the examination from the university they choose, although it is against my will. I didn't took the exam seriously and I finished it earlier than expected. Before the results came, I am still hoping to take the examination from other universities but unfortunately I passed and my parents stopped me to take other.

On the first day of college, I felt so jealous of my former HS classmates & friends because they're all studying and living outside the province. Every time we hang out I heard a lot of good and not so good stories about their lives outside their homes. Through the years of listening to their experiences, I realized that I am lucky to stayed in the province for four years. Based from their stories, living outside home was FUN because you can do whatever and go wherever you want, freedom is all yours and going home late is NOT a NO. Nevertheless, the opposite of it is.. LONELY, why? well, as I can remember, there is this one time my friend told me that when the typhoon came, he can't get out of his dormitory because of the flood outside. And since he can't get out of his room, the worse news about his experience is that, he forgot to stock enough food to fulfill his stomach needs. I tried to imagine myself in his situation and I thought, maybe I'll just cry at the corner. (LOL) Another not so good story from the source, there are times that you need to thrift yourself to survive for a week (well there are some where their allowance was only enough for a week but they got some fun plans.. so...) and if you don't know how to cook like your mom, then you'll die young (jk) but seriously, you will missed the 3/4 of your four years without your mom's special dishes and you're the suki of fast foods near your home.

In conclusion to the past, through the four years, there are reasons why God's plan is better than mine. A lot of things happened in my years in the university and I will never regret all of those moments that once I dreamed to happened in other places. Since I realized all those things, my initial plan after graduation is to continue my study in the nearby university. 

And now, after the prologue, God revised my initial plan. Yes! This is it! One day left and I GUESS, I am ready to enter my FIRST DAY in my FIRST JOB and FIRST TIME to live outside the home. YES! my prayers were fulfilled and also, I am excited for my FIRST DAY in Law School although I am enormously nervous. 

This day, I am starting to pack my home (lol jk) what I mean is that I am preparing for my life outside my home and I need more motivation and inspiration to full my guts because to be honest, I am seriously scared and mentally not ready to be alone and being not in my room for three days (that's maximum). Well, at the same time, I can't wait to experience and to exercise my ALL-BY-MYSELF-SKILL  and also, curious & looking forward for what will happen min my life after a week, a month, a year, and after I graduate.

Maybe being INDEPENDENT will be one of the best decision I ever made. Disposing my physical, financial and mental dependency with my parents will be a struggle but it will be a great experience and I know, it'll be an amazing journey that I must walk into. One thing that I need to be thankful for, is how God's plan will challenge my patience and faith. There are maybe times that some part of His plans are difficult and depressing but at the end of the day, it'll make me STRONGER and it is the BEST-EST part for my life.

Our faith in Him from head to heart to toe is the reason why we're still standing in this up and down journey. He never let me down, I will never let Him go out of my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Thank You, Lord.

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I'm Sorry (Cage Match)

I'm Sorry (Cage Match)

   March 01, 2015       FJ

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This is one of my favorite songs from AJ's music web series entitled, MUSIC LAB. I am a fan from the very first episode until the last. For me, the #MusicLab Episode 2, brought TOO MUCH FEELS and the outcome of the song was very amazing, not just because of the content & meaning of the song but also because of the artists who created it. For some reason, this is not just a favorite song, but a story behind the scar from the past that will remain an ache, lesson & a blessing.

I'm Sorry (Cage Match) by AJ Rafael ft. Lana McKissack

So now, we're stuck here in this cage, 'cause we're fighting all the time

and I'm feeling so constrained but i know the blame is mine

I'm tired of fighting all these rounds, all you do is knock me down

and now I'm broken on the ground, helpless

But I know that there are thousands words, I wanna say to you

So I'm putting down my guard despite the things you put me through

But, I...

But, I'm sorry for there's no way out

and I'm sorry for all my faults

And there's one thing that i'd like you to know

I'm not sorry for the way i loved you so

We used to have the strength to find the good and every fine

and all we have are just these battle scars but no more left inside

Should we give this one more try

'cause all we had is just one night

'cause I.. 'cause I...

And I'm sorry for there's no way out

And I'm sorry for all my faults

And there's one thing that i'd like you to know

I'm not sorry for the way i loved you so

I'm so sorry for i have to let you go.

FULL SONG: #MusicLab - I'm Sorry (Cage Match) ft. Lana Mckissack

FULL EPISODE: #MusicLab Episode #2

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