One punch reality

One punch reality

   August 31, 2016       FJ

---

Ore Monogatari (episode 22) - Yukikata-chan.

I sobbed after you said, you were smiling after you heard what I said.

"I'm glad.", I respond over the phone. 

"Very glad.", as my tears gushed on my cheeks.

You were right when you accused of me of feeling mad and disappointed.

However, I expressly pleaded not guilty. 

Without a doubt, I feel rejected and I do not like the feeling. Not at all.

I cannot point the blame to you because it was not your fault. 

It was no one's. It was the feels'.

Here, another reality punched straight to the chest.

Despite the negative expectations, there was a little light of hope that the feelings is reciprocal. 

That little thing hurts more. 

I've been too vulnerable and too expressive. 

Both directed me to fear which I should have followed.

"At least, you do not need to think of it every night", you comfort.

"You do not really understand", I thought.

I am broken but I am grateful. It hurts and I apologize.

I admit, I hate the way you made me feel but I love you for being you.

I am not bidding a farewell but I will leave the rest to you.


If the person you like does not dislike you, it does not mean he likes you, maybe he's just being kind.

I agree.

Read More

Unsent feelings

Unsent feelings

   August 27, 2016       FJ

---

He said, I should take risk.

I should express my feelings for someone before the time runs out and accept the consequences. 

If it is yay, then good and if it is nay, then move on. 

That is how easy he explained.

I told him, taking risk is a challenge. He agreed. 

"Don't let yourself suffer for a long time. Just tell them", he added.

He does not understand.

He does not know that every moment I spend with him is something I will always cherish. 

He does not know that the time we spend on talking every minute is something I will store. 

He does not know how happy I am listening to his stories.

He does not know I do not want this to end. 

And despite the negative consequences occur during the times I think of my feelings.
The answer is still... I do not want to take risk.

Read More

Unsent honesty.

Unsent honesty.

   August 14, 2016       FJ

---

He doesn't like taking photos neither doing some things that I like. However, if I insists and please, he still do it with a smile.

We agree on a lot of things except for the aforementioned. I like the way he talk, the way he describes things, and his curiosity, as well as his silence and his quirkiness. He's the ideal significant.

We have spent some time, thrice in approximate, it was short but for me, it was worth a memory. Today, this is a courage, after I publish this, none can unseen, people's curiosity will still be open, even if I delete this afterwards.

He may get upset or surprise if he saw this because he doesn't know, no one, except me. This little action of mine might conclude something I wouldn't want to happen. I don't know. But if it did, I'm still happy I spoil it.

If you're thinking if it means something, I hope. I don't have a lot of courage to tell him this but I became a fan of his being. However, there is always a limitation, it will not always get there. Believe me. I felt it.

Whatever happens, I'm happy I met him, get to know little things about him, and if I will be given a chance, I would like to know more, otherwise, it was a pleasure.

For a while, he became the Michael, if I am Lang. It was a dream.

Read More

Cliche Pioneer

Cliche Pioneer

   August 14, 2016       FJ

---

A hot coffee on your front, a frappe on mine, and it was because of your invitation.
We were seating opposed to each other in a table for two.
The ambiance was well blend with the smell of bitterness and sounds of calmness
We threw each other with questions, we both agreed on things, I never looked at my watch.
The clock says it was been an hour but I felt like it was only ten minutes.
After a while, I was surprised with myself when I sighed with relief.
I felt inspired after that day, and expected for another time with you.
And, we did.

Read More