So this what a young adult in her 20s feels like.
Before we stepped out of the university, we always thought of what will happen or what are we going to do with our lives, which is most likely unpredictable.
Before I end my life in college, I tried to figure what will happen to me after a year and created goals for the next five years. Since I decided to enter law school, which was my goal ever since I dreamed of being one of the warriors of Lady Justice.
Now, my life is in the middle of completing my goals and it is hanging at the corner, waiting for the next decision, whether if am I going to continue this path or change the direction. This is usual and unusual for such in general, however, this is unusual to me, and I am now confused on what and why am I thinking this way.
I've been in my work for eight months and in Jurassic Park for 6 months. After one semester, I still feel guilty of not giving my best, and not trying to avoid whatever may caused my distraction. On the other hand, I do not feel any good in the environment and I feel like I really need a new one to escape from that thoughts I encountered from the office. Nevertheless, it contradicts with the thought of needing to stay because that is for the best or else everything will be a mess.
In the midst of this anxiety and confusion, I want to wake up and escape from these thoughts. I want to ask for a dream catcher or even a time machine to go back to my life before I've decided for this path, or maybe let go of every single thing, take some rest and go back when I am ready although for sure, I'm gonna waste some time just to run away from these confusing perspectives.
Now, while I am trying to explain my anxieties, I just realized.
Is it what I encountered on my chosen path that confused me or is it only me that confused me?
I feel like it is not what I encountered, it is what I chose on my way, it is my decisions that confused me. It is me. I confused myself with the decisions that I cannot make myself.
Adulthood is not really all about having the capacity to act that was not yet an obligation or that was prohibited when I was still a kid or a teen. It is all about being independent and making my own decisions without confusions or knowing the consequences and learning to accept them even if they're negative. The patience of waiting for success to enter and the determination to reach the goals are also part of being an adult, especially in the beginning of your 20s, like me.
These words made me more realize that everything will not always be in favor of your wants. Life will always be unfair to everyone, but the disagreement of your wants and the fate are healthy. Why? Because that will make your life more reasonable, sensible and the will have the best results.
Still hoping to bring out these words in reality. When life gives you lemon, make lemonade!
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