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Tuesday, May 24
Tuesday, February 9
One pride away from clicking send.
February 09, 2016 FJ
However, I have howevers. Despite the fact that I am happy with my life, I don't know why are you keep on bothering me along the way? why are you still here? why are you there in my fantasies? why am I sometimes getting crazy and want to say 'hi'? why am I feeling my ego is letting me go? Why do you visit my mind so often? Hence, Why am I thinking of you? Why am I missing you so bad?
I thought of a lot of answers, it is maybe because no one has ever gotten to your throne yet, or maybe because it is normal for someone who believed once in forever and got disappointed or maybe because I need a closure.. a closure that will answer all my questions, a closure that will give myself a courage to open the door for a new one, and a closure that will slap my face with the thought that we had a rock, paper & scissors game and to accept that in the game.. I lose...
I lose two years, seven months, and one hundred forty one days ago.
There... I've said it. Almost everything.
There... you can now think of whatever you want to think or hate or disgust or pity. whatever
There... I let go of my pride..
Thank you for reading. Have a great life ahead.
Wednesday, January 6
So this what a young adult in her 20s feels like.
January 06, 2016 FJ
Before I end my life in college, I tried to figure what will happen to me after a year and created goals for the next five years. Since I decided to enter law school, which was my goal ever since I dreamed of being one of the warriors of Lady Justice.
Monday, December 14
Almost there.
December 14, 2015 FJ
It feels like it was just yesterday, the day that I can’t wait to enter the Jurrasic Park, the day I can’t wait to meet new people, the day I can’t wait to read the provisions, the crave of reading mountain of annotations and jurisprudence, and the day I felt the nervousness and the fear of feeling the hell upon my feet. And now, here I am, hoping to leave soon, not that I want to quit but to take some recess, or to finish everything and forever get trapped to the field.
After all the almost five months of my first year tour in the park, I feel like giving up, but whatever the reason I can think of, I know that it is not enough as an exchange to the big dream I’ve always wanted to be. Leaving my comfort zone, is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and feeling the struggle every single day making it more the best-est, making my journey more adventurous. challenging, exciting and the happiest.
Despite of the bad to worse things I have encountered, nothing beats the memories it produced. Something to keep, something to cherish and something to be more thankful for. I feel blessed more than ever and it will never be possible without the One who gives me strength, to the new people I met during the journey and added good memories to my life (cheers for more) and to those who stayed from the first day and staying to complete the story line.
Hence, Thank you. :)
Saturday, December 5
Saved and recap
December 05, 2015 FJ
I am not demanding for an apology but all I want is a peace ending. I have a lot of questions to ask, a lot of arguments to contest & I have a bucket of hatred to make you feel more guilty. Aside from these, I only want to ask you one simple question, “but, why?”
Anyway, this is just a brief of the drama I felt after reading our old & sweet conversation. At the end of the day, I know you will not give a single f*ck.
Friday, November 27
Hoping that this will be the last.
November 27, 2015 FJ
“Masaya akong nagsimulang mag post tungkol sa kanya at masaya din ako hanggang sa huling post ko tungkol sa kanya” said-ish by my friend.
That came into my thoughts that, I also started sharing stuff about this “guy” however, it never came to the point of sharing my last thoughts. It concludes that maybe, just maybe, I am not yet over him or maybe I am, but I am not happy about it.
Being true to myself, I am still mad and guilty to what happened between me and this “guy”. I loved him for who he was, waited for him for months, and assumed a place in his heart. I can still feel the hatred gushing in my veins every time I see him happy with someone new, who I once wished that, that should be me. I am not going to be biased with myself but I know and I admit, I have my own mistakes and guilt towards to what I have done to made him walked out of my life.
Thankfully that hatred never pursue in accordance with my belief that be nicer to everyone and let the karma do the bitch actions. I know that this is bad to think but I still wish karma is still around with him and waiting for the right timing to attack the best bitch shot it can ever made. Hence, I apologize but I am still a human and think & do bitchy stuff.
For sure, he is happier that I am not anymore around him and satisfied to what he has right now, as well as to my own life although I will not deny the fact that sometimes, I still think of him and hoping those days will comeback although I doubt. Nevertheless, I am ready to express my formal farewell to him but I think today is not yet the right time.
All in all, I thank this “guy” for the past although you act 80% douche after the last call that we had, I apologize for everything, and hope to see you around. *smiles*
Wednesday, July 8
Warrior of Lady Justice
July 08, 2015 FJ
After the fifth year from now, I AM A LAWYER.
It's always been my dream to be a bad ass warrior of Lady Justice.
YES, I can envision my life in five years with changed personality & lifestyle because of the culture and environment adaptation and being the bad ass lawyer.
In my first year, I can clearly see my life drowning in the bucket of caffeine & anxiety.
In my second year, I can still imagine my life drowning in the bucket of caffeine & anxiety and the change is starting to occur. No more culture shocks and adaptation is in the process.
In my third year, Still drowned but a little immune. Maybe, in VERY SERIOUS MODE. #ReadingsBeforeFeelings
In my fourth year, Not giving a single fuck but I'm still nice. Having the best time of my life, "PARTY HARD, STUDY HARDER" habit. nah jk. I'll survive. nearly in the end.
And lastly, my fifth year, ALMOST there! months of reminiscing moment & reviews and ONE MONTH OF FACING THE BOSS. Yes, Bar Exam. and BOOM, I AM A BAD ASS LAWYER. lol
But so you know, It's not all about envision, dream & imagination. It's all about preparation, presence of mind, persistence & a dream from the heart.
Thursday, July 2
Smile cuz YOLO
July 02, 2015 FJ
Smile, the worst is yet to come. We'll be lucky if we ever see the sun.
Saturday, May 30
30th of the 5th.
May 30, 2015 FJ
I can't believe that I am just one day away, am I really ready? This is my first time and I hope I can survive. I'm a bit scared and excited at the same time. I am in awe that I am getting near to exercise my ALL-BY-MYSELF-SKILLS.
Before I started my college life, it's my dream to live in a city alone to fulfill my "I want to do it but I can't" stuff. By the way, the stuff that I mentioned are the things I want to do but I can't because my parents said NO. When I was in my Senior HS, I did my very best and push through my dream to study in any university outside the province, I did everything to take entrance examinations. Hence, one day during my lunch break, my parents asked a permission from the HS Principal office to excuse me for a while and I don't have any idea why. I was surprised and they said, they need my 2 x 2 photos and still, I don't have any idea what is going on. Until my mom broke the surprised and told me that I am going to take an entrance examination in a nearby university. I feel a bit betrayed because they didn't mentioned or talk about this with me before they got the application but I have no choice but to accept the fact that my parents doesn't want me to go far away. So instead of feeling more betrayed, I tried to appreciate my parents' effort, since they're the ones who's working on my papers which is quite embarrassing because I should be the one who's working on it.
For assurance that I will enter college, my mom took applications from other schools. (the universities that I want to enter so bad) So, I did take the examination from the university they choose, although it is against my will. I didn't took the exam seriously and I finished it earlier than expected. Before the results came, I am still hoping to take the examination from other universities but unfortunately I passed and my parents stopped me to take other.
On the first day of college, I felt so jealous of my former HS classmates & friends because they're all studying and living outside the province. Every time we hang out I heard a lot of good and not so good stories about their lives outside their homes. Through the years of listening to their experiences, I realized that I am lucky to stayed in the province for four years. Based from their stories, living outside home was FUN because you can do whatever and go wherever you want, freedom is all yours and going home late is NOT a NO. Nevertheless, the opposite of it is.. LONELY, why? well, as I can remember, there is this one time my friend told me that when the typhoon came, he can't get out of his dormitory because of the flood outside. And since he can't get out of his room, the worse news about his experience is that, he forgot to stock enough food to fulfill his stomach needs. I tried to imagine myself in his situation and I thought, maybe I'll just cry at the corner. (LOL) Another not so good story from the source, there are times that you need to thrift yourself to survive for a week (well there are some where their allowance was only enough for a week but they got some fun plans.. so...) and if you don't know how to cook like your mom, then you'll die young (jk) but seriously, you will missed the 3/4 of your four years without your mom's special dishes and you're the suki of fast foods near your home.
In conclusion to the past, through the four years, there are reasons why God's plan is better than mine. A lot of things happened in my years in the university and I will never regret all of those moments that once I dreamed to happened in other places. Since I realized all those things, my initial plan after graduation is to continue my study in the nearby university.
This day, I am starting to pack my home (lol jk) what I mean is that I am preparing for my life outside my home and I need more motivation and inspiration to full my guts because to be honest, I am seriously scared and mentally not ready to be alone and being not in my room for three days (that's maximum). Well, at the same time, I can't wait to experience and to exercise my ALL-BY-MYSELF-SKILL and also, curious & looking forward for what will happen min my life after a week, a month, a year, and after I graduate.
Maybe being INDEPENDENT will be one of the best decision I ever made. Disposing my physical, financial and mental dependency with my parents will be a struggle but it will be a great experience and I know, it'll be an amazing journey that I must walk into. One thing that I need to be thankful for, is how God's plan will challenge my patience and faith. There are maybe times that some part of His plans are difficult and depressing but at the end of the day, it'll make me STRONGER and it is the BEST-EST part for my life.
Our faith in Him from head to heart to toe is the reason why we're still standing in this up and down journey. He never let me down, I will never let Him go out of my life.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Sunday, March 1
I'm Sorry (Cage Match)
March 01, 2015 FJ
Sunday, April 13
You're still too far from me.
April 13, 2014 FJ
I am not excited to meet you, i am not even interested to look for you.
But i will be happy to have you in my life right now, i will even welcome you with a hug.
Maybe you’re busy with someone right now or maybe busy fulfilling your dreams or maybe busy looking for your other half. It may be me or it may be someone else before me, i dont care whoever you’re looking for or where you are right now, i am willing to wait for you.
Just always remember that i will stay wherever i am right now, waiting, preparing & praying. Waiting for whenever you arrive, preparing to be the God’s best for you & praying that you’re the God’s best, that i am waiting for.
I am not excited to meet you, but i can’t wait to know who & what God has prepared for me :)
-A letter for my FUTURE BOYFRIEND
Saturday, March 1
Uhm..
March 01, 2014 FJ
I knew his story, I listened & tried to help him to get out of the pain. I watched him drowned with regret & tears. What I really don’t understand is that.. why is he spending his whole being to someone who doesn’t even feel the same way that he did?
I feel sorry for him.
but I hope he knew that.. I am here.
Sunday, December 15
Dapat!
December 15, 2013 FJ
Ok lang naman sana, kaso hindi pwede. Naintindihan ko ang sitwasyon, nararamdaman ko ang kinalalagyan at alam ko kung ano ang kailangang gawin.
Naging sarado ang utak ko sa mga posibilidad at hindi maganda ang kinalabasan, kaya dahil dun natutunan ko ng humarap sa mga posibilidad at tanggapin kung ano ang dapat. Maganda man o hindi.
Hindi naman ako nagkamali sa pagdesisyon dahil ang kahit sino ay sang-ayon. Masakit pero DAPAT.
Hindi ako umaasa, hindi ako naghihintay at lalong hindi ako humihiling na maging sa kanya. Kung ano ang hangin ng panahon para sa amin, yun lang ang maaring akuin.
May mga bagay akong naiayos sa utak ko na kung sakali man maging maayos ang lahat sa kanilang dalawa, dapat tanggapin. Kung sakaling kailangan ko na talagang lumayo dahil sa mga posibilidad na hindi magandang mangyayari, dapat lumayo. At kung kailangan ng iwanan ang nararamdaman para sa ikabubuti naming lahat, dapat iwanan.
Darating naman ang panahon na pagbibigyan kami kung para talaga sa amin, palagi ko ngang nababanggit, “Maybe soon is too long but the road will never run out of opportunities” at dadagdagan ko ng “..except when the traffic light goes red”
Masakit pero dapat tanggapin.
Monday, July 29
Rewind.
July 29, 2013 FJ
Tiyaga at tiwala.
July 29, 2013 FJ
sa LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.
July 29, 2013 FJ
Friday, July 5
Fresssssh(;
July 05, 2013 FJ
Hindi ko aakalain na ito na.. sisimulan ko na ngang tunay ang paglalakbay sa loob ng panibagong chapter sa buhay ko. Ang buhay kung saan wala ang anghel na naging minsan ay kalahati ng buhay ko. Akala ko, hindi na ko makakaSurvive, medyo o.a pakinggan pero yun talaga yung feeling ko. Wala na ang mga bagay na nakasanayan kong gawin.. ang maghintay. Yun talaga ang pinakanakasanayan kong gawin araw araw, ang maghintay ng mensahe, tawag at tao. Walang araw siguro na hindi ko nakakalimutan gawin ang bagay na ito. Wala naman akong reklamo noon dahil masaya naman akong naghihintay kahit maikli talaga ang pasensya ko. Sa sobrang inaasam asam kong darating ng hinhintay ko ay nawala na lang na parang bula.
Sa totoo lang hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang dito mahahantong ang lahat. Walang naman akong pagsisisi, dahil naging masaya naman ang mga taon na yun kahit papaano at nagampanan ko din naman ang papel ko ng maayos kahit alam kong naging sablay din ako.
Malungkot at masaya, yan ang nararamdaman ko araw araw. Hindi mo ko masisisi, masyado pang fresh ang mga sugat at may araw pa din na hindi maiiwasan ang isang timba ng luha. Malungkot akong hindi ko pa rin halos matanggap at hindi ko alam kung gaano at ano ba ang naging mismong kasalanan ko para mahantong sa triple kill sakit ang nangyari. Masaya naman akong masaya na anghel ko sa ibang lugar at mas nararamdaman niya yung tuwang hindi ko naibigay sa mga panahon noong kasama ko pa siya. Masaya din ako para sa sarili ko, dahil kailangan ko.
Walang araw na may hindi nagtatanong sa akin.. "Kamusta ka na?" Posibleng sa dalawang dahilan, baka "nag aalala nga" o "naghahanap ng tiyempo para magkwento ko". Hindi ko talaga maintindihan.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko din naman sila masisisi, alam kong madami ang naghihintay at madami ang nag abang, kumbaga sa teleserye, sila yung viewers at palaging nag aabang sa susunod na kabanata. Pero anong magagawa ko, sabi ni Direk, hindi daw yun yung ending ng teleserye namin. Nabuwag yung love team. SAYANG NAMAN! Pero madami pa naman ang posibleng mangyari, maaring sawi pa ang bida.. malay mo naman, may dadating na bagong leading man o kaya naman, They're meant to be til' the end d buuh? hindi natin alam, dahil si Direk ang nakakaalam. Excited na ko sa ending ♥
Pero sabi nga ni God, May dahilan siya kaya niya ito ginagawa sa amin, at alam kong maganda ang mga dahilan niya. At paunti unti ko ng nasisilayan :">
Salamat sa kanya, sa'yo, sa kanila at kay GOD ♥
Wednesday, July 3
BINIGWASAN ANG UTAK.
July 03, 2013 FJ
Friday, June 28
Best ways to forget. (the Chichiritchit way)
June 28, 2013 FJ
Friday, June 21
AKO.
June 21, 2013 FJ